Resistance in Therapy: Why We Sometimes Want to Quit

Resistance is the term psychologists use for the phenomenon when a person finds it difficult to start or continue therapy, even though they want to change.

For example, you book an appointment with a psychologist but never show up for the first session. Or you attend a couple of meetings, feel overwhelmed by strong emotions, and decide to stop. This is a common occurrence: over 30% of clients stop therapy after the first or second session. But these feelings and even “fleeing” are actually a normal part of the therapeutic process.

Why Does Resistance Occur?

When therapy touches on important and painful topics, the psyche activates defense mechanisms. This happens automatically: one part of you strives for change, while another part slows it down. The psyche instinctively wants to maintain its familiar stability, because anything new is a source of stress.

The fear of change, anxiety, fatigue, or even a reluctance to go to a session are natural reactions to deep self-work. Sometimes you just want to escape back to your comfort zone to avoid confronting difficult experiences.

Strong Emotions and Anger Toward Your Therapist are Normal

Don’t be surprised if at some point you feel irritation or anger toward your psychologist.

Sometimes you may feel like you’ve hit a wall: the sessions stop bringing relief, you get annoyed, and you start to think, “Do I even like my therapist?”

The temptation to cancel your appointment and leave therapy for good arises. In reality, such crises often mean that you are making progress. The feelings that surface are valuable material for collaborative work with your psychologist. In the professional community, this is called transference, and openly discussing these emotions will help you understand yourself.

Remember: you have the right to feel any emotions, and it is safe to talk about them in therapy.

How to Overcome Resistance and Continue Therapy

First and foremost, acknowledge that resistance is a normal part of the journey, not a reason for shame or self-doubt.

If you feel like quitting therapy or are avoiding sessions, try to discuss it honestly with your psychologist. Tell them how you feel—fear, anger, disappointment, or anything else. A professional will listen without judgment and help you work through these feelings. It is often after overcoming such a crisis that a breakthrough occurs. If the emotions are too strong, you can temporarily slow down the pace of work or take a break—but it’s best to do so together with your therapist.

The main thing is not to give up prematurely. Therapy can be difficult at times, but it’s during these hard moments that the foundation for change is laid. When you overcome internal resistance, the reward is a new understanding, a sense of inner freedom, and positive changes. So, if you’re struggling now, remember that it’s not a sign of failure but a natural stage of the process. Give yourself a chance to go through it with the support of a specialist—you’ll see that your efforts are not in vain.

I, Marina Zinland, offer short-term and long-term consultations based on my unique methodology. Together, we will develop an effective plan for overcoming any difficult life situation.